When you are sad and feeling like you lost something, way too often you try to make yourself feel better. This is not wrong: grief and loss hurt a lot. But it can become difficult when you do things to deal with your grief that take you out of yourself too much or when you try and bury the grief. When you do things that try to tell your grief that it isn’t real or that you have to pretend you’re not hurting, this doesn’t mean the grief goes away: the grief is still there. If you haven’t felt the grief all the way through so that you can learn about what and why you are grieving, there will always be some left. The trouble is that leftover grief turns into other things: you are angry all the time or nothing seems to matter, ever. When you have leftover grief you feel sad most of the time and you get frustrated with things a lot.
There are other ways that your leftover grief acts peculiar: it can make you want to go away somehow. This means you might pretend to be someone else so that you’re not the person who lost something precious. This can mean that you want to make your grief disappear, and that can be dangerous. If you try and distract yourself by playing computer games, messing around with people because you’re hurting and you want to make them hurt so you can feel good and strong, if you do what other people do and take something chemical that’s supposed to “make you feel better,” you are not being honest to yourself or your grief.
And if you are not honest with yourself: if you don’t let yourself understand that grief is hard but that there is usually something better than grief in the end when you’ve gone through it all, or if you don’t get help from some wise person or people so you can heal your grief, you get stuck, sometimes forever, not knowing what to do or who you are.