If you punish someone…

When someone does something bad to you very often you want to do the same bad thing back to them, or even worse to make them feel worse than you do. This is hardly surprising if you have been raised by being punished when you have done bad things, because you think that hurting someone is supposed to change him, or make him understand. But it doesn’t always work. Hurting someone because he hurts you does not automatically make him understand what he has done, how you feel, or what else he might have done better. If you need to stop someone from hitting or hurting you, then restraining him is a very good idea. But then you could ask him why he did it and find out some other way for him to get what he wants. People who hurt other people usually are hurting a lot themselves. But when you just punish people you don’t really teach them anything, except that that hurt is supposed to be returned for hurt, and it just makes everyone hurt more everywhere.

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