Forgiveness

The previous entry was because I had forgotten to do something important, and I could not forgive myself for forgetting because someone had been counting on me to do that I had said I would do. I was very angry with myself, but the worst part is that I could not forgive myself either. I was sad and angry, and I felt feckless, careless, stupid and forgetful. 

But underneath it all, I remembered one thing:God forgives us. God forgives us for terrible things: murdering someone, betraying them, using someone else, hurting them: this is all forgiven! Yes, we will have to feel everything the other person felt; yes, we will have to take time to learn why what we did was cruel or unkind. But surely, if God forgives us for these things, surely we are forgiven for being human, for making mistakes, for forgetting things? Of course! 

But the real thing I learned is: surely, if God can forgive me, it is not my right, it is not my place to not forgive myself. To do so is to think I am bigger than God: that I can arrogate what happens to me after I have already been forgiven. To hate myself and be impatient with myself for hurting someone or something else is bad enough: I am the child of the Diving Being, after all: it is wrong to hate such a child, or be impatient with that child. And to keep myself from God’s forgiveness? It throws the meaning of God down, and makes everything stop. So: if you will not forgive yourself, remember first that God has something to say about that. 

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