Doing What you Don’t Want to Do

Sometimes you are told to do something you don’t want to do and that can be hard. Sometimes you’re tired, or you wanted to do something else: your friend just called and told you that he or she was at the mall or the library or at the skateboard part and wanted you to be there to have some fun. But you can’t have fun because you have homework, or your mom or dad have asked you to do something for them right now, something that can’t be put off. So you feel disappointed and hurt, but you aren’t supposed to feel that way: after all, this is something your family needs, or that you need. But you still don’t want to do it! 

Of course there are several things you can feel about the situation: you can feel resentful and do the job poorly. You can be defiant and just go off anyway, leaving the homework undone, the dishes unwashed, the garbage still in the house or whatever. You can feel sorry for yourself: why do you always have to do stuff when your friend never does? You could do the work in a rush, go and try and meet your friend and then, when you missed your friend you would have something you could use to make your mom or dad or any other family member feel guilty. Yes, you might do any of these things, and a lot more.

But why? Because you are a little disappointed, suddenly everyone else has to feel bad and unhappy? Because you felt hurt and didn’t get what you wanted, you feel it is perfectly all right to hurt other people? These things might possibly feel good right now, but it’s a bad use of your anger and hurt.

A better use of your anger and hurt is to spend a moment feeling your hurt, really feeling it. You’re sad. You might even feel picked on and unloved. You might feel anything but if you allow yourself to feel that way for a moment, and then even get angry, guess what? The bad feelings go away after a little while. And then if you’re still angry you can use that anger to do the job you’re been asked to do quickly, efficiently, get it done and then go have fun.

 

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