Bullying yourself; Bullying others

You know that when you don’t feel well, as when you’re sick with a cold, you often act angry, sad or just pull away from everyone else. In other words you can hurt other peoples’ feelings just because you hurt: pain takes so much energy away from you that you don’t feel like being nice to anyone else. 

The same thing actually happens inside of you too: when you have pain inside you can’t really be friendly with yourself: you can’t be nice or kind or be patient with yourself. Especially when you hurt because you don’t feel loved or understood, you don’t feel accepted or supported by those around you, when you have been bullied or even have been harmed, it’s so very hard to be gentle with yourself! It’s like the hurt makes everything tangled up, like a snarl of Christmas lights that seem totally impossible to make smooth or straight again, or like a tangle of briars that make it impossible to move forward.

So if you understand this about yourself, that when you’re all snarled up inside of yourself with feeling hurt or lost, afraid or alone, maybe even stupid and like you can’t do anything right for anyone, then the pain is going to leak out to others as well as stay inside of  you.

What do you do to stop bullying yourself? Start looking for something, anything, that you have done well, that you have done correctly or in some way that satisfied you. When you think of it, say to yourself: “I can do that one thing right, so I’m not all bad.” But then the most important thing to add is, “If I can do something right and feel good about it then others can do things right and I can feel good about that too. That’s the magic:  you need to remember that you appreciate yourself then that stays with you. Appreciating others never takes your good feelings away.

 

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