Better Ways of Handling Grief

Trying to make your grief go away by distracting yourself with other things; putting all of your hurt feelings onto someone else; getting angry and frustrated and making someone else bad or wrong because you think it might make you feel better are all not good ways to deal with grief. So what are better ways?

The first thing to do is to be kind to yourself and one of the most important ways to do that is to realize that not everyone grieves the same way or even about the same things. Some people cry and cannot stop; some people don’t ever cry, but shut themselves in their rooms and only come out once in a while. Some people are just down and depressed; some people start working, frantically, as though trying to make up for all the things they might have forgotten or neglected when the person, animal, place or thing they loved is gone.

Being kind to yourself also means to give yourself gifts. Not distraction, gifts: a half an hour of silence in the morning, even if it means that you wake up half an hour earlier than everyone else in your family. Or it can mean going out and hanging around with some good and kind friends, even though you really don’t feel like it. You can give yourself the gift of telling¬† yourself that you still care about yourself, really.

Being kind to yourself when you are grieving can mean finding someone special to talk to; a teacher, counselor, a trusted relative or a trusted friend. Sometimes it’s so hard to talk about your feelings because you hardly know what they are, but it’s worth it if you persist. Sometimes you might feel silly and stupid: you’ve just lost someone in your life that you loved, perhaps, and you seem to be going along fine until you hear someone say something or some music, and you feel empty and lonely and lost all at once.

That is when you really need to be kind to yourself, because grief is like a huge ocean wave sometimes: it can knock you over flat. You need to be strong for yourself!   

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