Sometimes you are mad at someone else but you don’t really know why. You say you someone that you hate at him or her, though really you are angry about something that person did or how you felt when he or she did it. Sometimes you tell your mother “I hate you!” when really what my mean inside is, “I’m scared and unhappy and frustrated and I don’t think you’re listening to me because you aren’t making this situation better, you’re making it worse.” Sometimes what you really mean is, “Seeing you makes me realize I forgot to do what I promised, and that makes me feel bad but I don’t want to own up to having to do it wrong. So, I blame you for not being perfect because I don’t think I’ll ever be even nearly perfect, ever.”
Sometimes you are angry because you hate being reminded of what you haven’t done, and sometimes you are angry because of something that you have done but you don’t want to feel how heavy your mistake or harm really is. If you blame someone else for getting in the way because you knocked him over; if you call someone else bad for showing how you did something wrong or even that you did not do something good enough; if you hate someone for being a good person because you are sure you will never be that good and so you feel worthless when you are around him or her: then in all of those cases you are angry, not because of what they did or what they are but because you are not being honest with yourself about what you’re really afraid of feeling. If you’re afraid of someone, you can get angry, you can hate them, you can put them down so you rise up a little bit. But, really, you’re not being honest with yourself about how you really feel.